Comedy Shorts
by xxLunaTerraxx
Summary: Using quotes and/or scenes from shows like: Family Guy, Sorcerer Stabber Orphan, Big Bang Theory and anything else I might be watching...I'm putting the characters if FFVII through hell and back for my own, and hopefully yours as well, amusement.
1. Scientists Don't Fly

**Author's Notations: **I've decided to start writing down some of my crazy Final Fantasy VII scenarios. With the help of random quotes and/or scenes from different shows, they're going to be comedic shorts my wandering mind randomly comes up with. If you like, keep on the look out for sporadic updates as my muse has no master it seems. Lol!

**Summary: **A couple years after Meteorfall. AVALANCHE and the remains of Shinra get together for some drunken fun. Oh and I'm totally disregarding the who Advent and Dirge thing obviously. ^_^ And there is slight Cid/Vin implications in this one**. ***otaku giggle*

**Scene/Quotes Used:** Family Guy – Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

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AVALANCHE and Shinra had joined together at Yuffie's house in Wutai for a night of talking and drinking...mostly drinking. They were celebrating Cid and Vincent's union as well as just getting together for some catching up. By now everyone one was either buzzed or drunk. There was **one** person though that, because of his Wutain blood and lack of alcohol consumption, was three sheets to the wind and well beyond.

"Hey has anyone seen Hojo? He was right here a second ago." asked a slightly buzzed Tifa, who was looking around frantic for the scientist.

Red XIII, who was the only sober one in the room, heard some rustling, causing him to look up toward the ceiling fixtures. His deep yellow eyes went wide upon seeing a certain shelf that was above the partying group as it had a new decoration. "Oh Shiva...Tifa above you."

Right above, sitting on a twenty foot off the ground shelf, was a plastered Professor Hojo.

"Hey everybody! I'm gonna do...gonna do somthin that's gonna freak you out. I'm gonna...I'm gonna jump from this shelf to my chair. I'm gonna jump. Are you watching? Are you...are you...are you...?"

Tifa jumped up both in total fear and astonishment. "Hojo hon get down from there now before you hurt yourself!"

"Ah now, now, wait just a second. I say we let the guy have his fun." Vincent sneered with pleasure as he watched the doctor sway back and forth threatening to topple off his perch.

Tifa gave Vincent the worst sideways glare she could muster.

Hojo proceeded to put his hands out in front of him and bent himself over in, what could only be assumed as, a leaping position "You gonna miss it...you gonna miss it...you gonna miss it."

Everyone watched in slight horror and amusement as Hojo leaped from his sitting place only to under estimate his landing, falling to a laughing broken heap on the floor.

Hojo's slurred voice could barely be heard from the floor over everyone's laughter. "Oh duuude! Did you see...did you guys...see that? Oh lord! Haha! Hey, hey look it...look at this... look at this gash. Look at this gash right up the side of my leg. Oh man, I cut myself deep...uhhhh doesn't hurt though..."

Tifa looked on in utter shock, still not believing that the man could actually still be in one piece much less alive. After a few moments though, she pulled Hojo off the floor and hurriedly excused the both of them from the room.

Hojo, despite being injured, stood swaying in front of Tifa outside the shokintei quite confused. "Hey what are...what are we doing out here it's rude...rude to the...to the other people."

Tifa rolled her eyes though she couldn't help as a small smile crept across her features. "Hojo you're drunk."

Hojo continued to sway as he pointed an accusatory finger at the young martial artist."Yeah? Well you..." Hojo suddenly started snickering as he toppled over. "Your sexy."

Tifa shook her head and chuckled as she let Hojo lean against her as she walked them away toward their sleeping quarters. "Hojo you know your Wutain blood makes you a huge lightweight, your gonna make yourself sick."

Hojo looked at Tifa with a disbelieving stare. "I don't...I don't...I don't know what your talking about. I've never felt better."

Hojo suddenly stopped walking and proceeded to vomit all over the ground in front of them, replacing his disbelieving stare with a dazed one. "Ok NOOOW I've never felt better."

Tifa rolled her eyes and smiled as she dragged the pretty much now passed out doctor to their bedroom, mentally planning the pending the hangover from hell morning.

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What can I say, a drunk Hojo amuses me. Aaaaaand I'm kinda a TifaxHojo fan, when I'm not hogging him all for myself that is. ^_^

Comments/reviews most welcome! Flamers will be fed to my pet Bahamut that I keep in the backyard. :p Also if you have any ideas you wanna give me feel free! I'll make sure to credit you in the Authors Notations. :)


	2. Super Glue

**Authors Notations: **Mwahahaha! I wasn't actually watching this, but my mother was and I just happened to hear one tidbit of the show that had me dying laughing down the stairs. Also thins one is much shorter considering I'm just using a few quotes and not a whole scene this time. :)

**Summary: **Yuffie tries to have fun at a sleeping Cid's expense.

**Scene/Quotes Used: **NCIS (not sure which episode)

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Cid was sitting face down at one of the tables in Seventh Heaven. He had spent all night helping Cloud catch up on some deliveries for Clouds Delivery Service and was now expected to be at Tifa's bar, almost at the crack of dawn, to get ready for Marlene's 7th birthday party. Needless to say the party didn't start for another few hours so Cid decided to get in a few shut eyes before then.

Unfortunately Yuffie was wide awake and completely bored.

She slowly stalked over to where the captain was currently sleeping, bent on causing some sort of ruckus. As she stared as his snoring form, an idea suddenly popped into her head.

"Hey does anybody have any super-glue?"

Yuffie went from smiling to cringing as Tifa suddenly slapped her on the back of the head.

"What have I told you about that?"

Yuffie looked as if she was going threw a lot of pain while she was thinking. She suddenly sighed in defeat before giving a tentative look at the Seventh Heaven's bar tender.

"That his skin might come off..."

Tifa nodded in satisfaction before finishing with the decorations, Yuffie left to entertaining herself by chasing Red XIII around with a chocobo outfit, insisting on dressing him in it for a party ride.

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Yeah I know, lame right? I thought about replacing Cid with Hojo, but I figured Cid would fit better and I'll probably have a lot more picking on Hojo than I do Cid so...yeah. Lol!

Again, love those comment/reviews! 8D


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